


You Don't Deserve Family (You Just Get Stuck With Them)

by icyowl97



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Team as Family, and two hundred hugs, i guess kinda angst, just give him a hundred blankets, make bodhi feel loved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 14:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10219859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icyowl97/pseuds/icyowl97
Summary: Bodhi Rook has spent his whole life doubting himself. After returning from Scarif, he still feels the same way. The Rouge One team won't let him go through it alone. After all, what is family for?





	

Bodhi Rook should have died on Scarif. If he was being fair, he should have died on Jedha, but at least he had lived to do something. Now he was just taking up space and resources, and that was killing him just as surely as that grenade should have.

The doctors weren’t happy when he waved away the bacta patches, but they obliged. This was a Resistance, they were short on supplies. Even the handful of patches he waved away weren’t going to waste.

Waving away food was harder, but he thought he’d done it. He’d slip his parts of his portion to others, the rest of the Rogue One team, when they weren’t looking. He ate enough, and others needed it more. He could live through the gnawing in his stomach.

He wasn’t as clever as he’d thought, but it didn’t escalate to an intervention until he tried to give up his bedroll. He’d returned it, saying he didn’t need it. It was true, in the Empire he’d spent many nights on the cool steel floor of his ship.

But when he returned to the quarters he shared with Cassian, he found the bed roll returned, and his teammates around, looking grave.

He stared at them, panic rising in his chest at the severe looks he saw. What was happening? What had he done? He dropped his gaze to the floor, unable to deal with the looks. He had disappointed them. He wasn’t sure how, but they had realized he was a coward, that he didn’t deserve to be part of the team.

A gentle hand on his shoulder brought him out of his panicked daze, and he looked up to find Cassian, his face gentle, the corner of his eyes wrinkled with what Bodhi knew to mean concern.

“Sit down.” Jyn said, and while her words were to the point, her voice was softer than usual. She was being gentle, and while Jyn was many things, she was rarely gentle.

He let Cassian grip his elbow and lead him to the bedroll, focusing on the sensation of Cassian’s grip to try to fight the panic that was rising. Chirrut shifted over to make room for him in the circle, and Bodhi let his knees give out under him, sinking to the mat.

Cassian sat beside him, moving his hand to his shoulder, a heavy weight to keep him grounded, as Chirrut began. “Bodhi, we’ve noticed that you’ve been passing on things. Slipping foods onto plates.”

Bodhi’s cheeks burned. “They give us too much food.” He said weakly, and it sounded unconvincing even to him. “I can’t eat all of it, and you all need it more than I do.”

Jyn spoke up again, her hard edge straining to come out. “You’ve been punishing yourself. For Jedha.” 

Bodhi opened his mouth to protest, but Chirrut silenced him with a hand on his knee. “We know, Bodhi. You lost everything, the guilt must be so heavy. But don’t bear it alone.”

The words come bursting out of him like water from a dam after a long storm. “I cost you two everything! I cost all of you everything! I cost Jyn her father, I cost you and Baze your home! Cassian, I... I killed K-2!” 

The grief and pain that has been years in the making bubbles over, spilling out of his mouth in words and his eyes in tears and he buries his face in his hands. He doesn’t deserve to look at them. His team is so brave, and he doesn’t belong. He’s never belonged, not here or anywhere. 

The hands on him are gentle. Cassian’s arm, wrapped around him. Chirrut’s hand, on his knee. Jyn’s hand on his shoulder, and Baze’s hand on his chin, tilting his face up. 

“Little brother, the Empire took those things from us, just like they took everything from you. Have you not suffered with us?” Baze’s voice is as gentle as his hand, and like his hand, it draws Bodhi’s eyes up.

“I don’t deserve this.” He says. And he gestures around the room, because he means he doesn’t deserve any of it. Not the food, not the room, and he certainly doesn’t deserve this family.The room falls silent, as if they know there’s something he’s not saying. “I don’t deserve you.” He says, tacking it on quietly,

“You don’t deserve family. You just get stuck with them.” Chirrut says, and it’s such a bizarre thing to say that Bodhi chokes out a laugh.

“Welcome home, Bodhi.” Cassian says with a slight chuckle. “Now let’s go get you something to eat.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments, I'd love to hear what you think. You can find me on Tumblr at https://rey-of-moonlight.tumblr.com/


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